Comparison is the thief of joy
Why do we do it to ourselves? Comparing where we are now to the past or to others, to the detriment of our happiness!?
‘I weighed 7 stone and was a size 6 on my wedding day and now I’m 14 stone and a size 16’
‘I ran the London marathon in 2012 and now I can’t even run for the bus’
‘I used to have a washboard stomach now my jeans are too tight, and I struggle to bend over and tie my shoelaces’
‘I’m so demotivated now by how unfit/fat I am’
‘I had a 24 inch waist before I had kids’
These are just a few complaints I’ve heard over the years, people harking back to how they used to be and wishing they were back there. I guess its human nature to always compare ourselves as we want to fit in, be liked and be part of the tribe, historically our survival would have depended on it. Now we are bombarded with images on social media of perfect bodies, perfect teeth, perfect hair, amazing sporting and physical achievements its no wonder we feel inadequate and unhappy with our current situation.
A five-minute scroll through Instagram can leave you feeling insecure about your appearance, financial status, how your home looks, the car you drive and doubtful about your parenting or culinary skills.
I always encourage my clients to put things into perspective.
- The Instagram models are in that position because they have perfect bodies, hair and teeth, it’s their profession they are probably 0.0001% of the population. Its not a true representation, how often do you see someone like that in real life?....Never!!!
- They probably spent months preparing for that photo shoot no one just wakes up looking like that, it takes masses of time, money and effort! The photos are probably air brushed anyway.
- You are unique with a history that has shaped you into the person you are today you cannot compare that to who you were 10 years ago or to any other human being on this planet, so stop trying to!
- The present moment is all we have; the past is just that its behind us and we will never see that time or be that person again, aspiring to is futile.
- The future lives only in our imagination don’t dwell too much on it the reality is we may never see it.
- People will always portray their best side on social media or in public and hide a lot of crap behind the scenes, I bet you do this too so don’t be fooled. You may be someone others look up to and aspire to be like, consider that for a moment?
So, what to do instead? We need to replace this negative thought process with a positive mindset and act upon it time and again to form a new habit and make the old one extinct.
Let’s look at some examples –
You are heavier and bigger now than you were on your wedding day. Remember that was years ago you are now older, you’ve had children and dealt with a lot since then there for you are a different person now, applaud yourself for the achievements you’ve made not for the weight you’ve gained. Instead of aspiring to fit back into your wedding dress (why would you want to you’re not getting married again) try concentrating on making better food choices that will leave you feeling more energised. Take up physical activity for example weightlifting that will promote better muscle tone, posture and bone strength, boost confidence and improve posture. You may never fit back into your wedding dress but the next time you’re invited to an event you’ll feel slimmer, look healthier more toned and confident if your outfit.
You ran the London marathon a few years back and now can’t run for the bus. Trying to go out for a long run is going to hurt and make you feel even more demoralised, it won’t be enjoyable, and you won’t keep it up. Why not take up Zumba or join a walking club with a friend, gradually increase your fitness again while having fun and learn something new. Maybe in time as you feel fitter you could try some running again, maybe not. Even if you never run again that doesn’t mean you won’t be fit again just enjoy who you are now.
When clients sign up to work with me on a diet and fitness plan, we start with setting a goal. The most common goal is ‘I want to lose weight and tone up’ often people will put a number on it ‘I want to lose a stone’ They will also hark back to how they used to be, that’s where I took the above examples from. We will delve deeper and find out what’s behind their goal. Mostly people just want to feel happier when they look in the mirror which will translate to an improvement in their confidence. Most people want to be healthier and live a long and healthy life, having more energy to do the things they enjoy with the people they love. We always concentrate on those aspects and leave the aesthetics and the scales to catch up.
If you would like my help in achieving your goals, I offer bespoke online coaching including a personalised diet and fitness plan plus all the support you need to succeed. Fill out the contact form linked below, and we can have a no obligations chat and see if we are a good fit for each other.
